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Dressing Room Insecurities



Learning to love the body you’re in is hard. Even when you work hard day-in & day-out to train, eat right, provide your body with the nutrients it needs. Even then, it’s hard to look in the mirror and really love what you see.


But I’ve done it, for the most part. I’ve gotten past the point of “oh my gosh my arms are too big, why doesn’t my waist curve in more,” and moved on to “look at the definition in my arms! Look at my obliques in that picture!” Used to, when people would ask me to flex, I would blush and shake my head- now, I figure if they want to see my muscles I might as well let them! I lost what little breasts I had when I got really strict into working out, and I’ve now gone from self-consciously covering my small chest, to going braless and embracing it (and it’s awesome.)


It’s not that easy, every day, though.


Like when I find the CUTEST pair of jeans and I go to try them on and they won’t make it past my massive calves.


Or when I’m trying on my favorite top from the year prior, and I have to call my fiancee into the room to help me take it off because it’s gotten stuck on my lats and I can’t get it over my head.


Or when I’m wedding dress shopping and a dress gets stuck because I decided to put it on over my head rather than step into it and my shoulders are too broad… and I laugh it off, but inside I cringe.


Or yesterday, when I’m alone in a dressing room, and I decide I’m going to purchase a romper even though it’s a little tight across my shoulders, and then I go to take it off and break into a panic because I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get it off.


Yeah, it’s not always fun…it’s not always “look at my muscles!” Sometimes, people you love say hateful things… “you’re not going to end up looking like *insert famous CrossFit athlete here* are you?” or the ever-popular, “you used to be so tiny!” And sometimes you almost hulk-rip out of an outfit in the dressing room because the outfit you almost bought turned out to be a little tighter than you thought it was.


But other times, other times it’s awesome. When you hit that PR you’ve been working towards and you realize that you just practically threw someone who is 15 lbs heavier than you from the ground to over your head. Or when you finally find a bathing suit line like #aerieREAL that accentuates your muscles and fits your small breasts and makes you look hot & feminine. Or, better yet, when you receive messages from people you barely know telling you that your life is an inspiration to them, that because of the changes you’ve made, they believe they can change, too.


I struggle with self-image, we all do. I want to look a certain way now, and sometimes I get frustrated with the process. But it’s important to remember that God has made everything beautiful in its time (Ecc. 3:11.) God is funny like that, sometimes He is so intentional in His vagueness, it’s as if he’s saying “you know I will handle it, be patient, darling.” So I remember this, I keep working hard towards my goals and keeping my sights on Him, after all, we are His masterpiece (Eph. 2:10.)


You are beautiful, you are loved, you are called Hephzibah.

Until next time, in Christ, Taylor Michelle

Taylor Michelle Owens CrossFit Bulletproof

RxClubhouse Athlete

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